Hello, and welcome to the official geek test. This test is designed to help you determine your geek quotient. In the past, someone may have watched you,or listened to something you said and then exclaimed, “You geek! What do you think you are doing?” Or maybe it’s just us. In any event, we here at the geek testing lab were prompted to ask “just what is a nerd?” In response, we came up with this test. By taking it, you will determine your current geek quotient (from 0% to 100%), with 100% roughly corresponding to a pile of sludge unable to communicate with anything human except through a device that is a miracle of modern medicine and engineering, and whose only connection to the outside world is through the computer internet system.

As this test is being distributed primarily in places of high concentrations of known nerds, and nerds in turn tend to have nerd friends, that someone who has never heard of or seen the geek test is assumed to be 0% nerd. However, once such knowledge comes to them, they are immediately placed in the 100% nerd category. This is done because it is also assumed that only a true geek would utter something to the effect of: “Geek test?!? What a stupid concept! I’m too cool to take something as dumb as that.” The values in between are determined by taking the test and scoring it as follows.

For each question below for which you can answer “yes” or “true”, take one point. At the end of the test, divide the total number of points you scoredby the total number of questions in the test. Treat this number as a percentage that represents your nerdity quotient.

Some of the questions will have parentheticals at the end of them. What is contained within the parentheticals is a short list of examples relating to the given question. The list is not to be taken as all inclusive but merely as suggestions that might apply. All technicalities count – after all, being technical is half of what being a nerd is all about.

It is felt that for maximum enjoyment, you should respond out loud with your answers. You should treat each “yes” that you say as a personal catharsis of what you are doing wrong (or right depending on your opinion of nerdity) and each “no” may then be disputed by your peers. In this way, errors due to lying or personal oversight are avoided and the test also has a therapeutic effect for the closet nerd. As an aside, information gleaned about others should be treated confidentially. Each of us has a dork-side that we don’t want others to know about.

Experiment shows that nerdity CAN be cured! With effort and personal sacrifice… The nerdity quotient is a cross between proclivity toward as well as actual current status in nerddom. Some questions are “have you ever…” while others are “do you now…”. The former register the fact that you have a propensity toward nerdity, while the later acknowledge the fact that you are currently geeking. Obviously, as your answers toward the “do you now” type questions change, so will your nerd quotient.

Please use only a number two pencil. Mark all answers in your blue book. Shake well before using. Lather. Rinse. Repeat as desired. Show all work. Refrigerate after opening. No partial credit will be given. A table of useful formulas is included at the end.