Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up? Because OCT(31) = DEC(25)

355/113: Not the famous irrational number Pi, but an incredible simulation!

PALINDROME spelled backwards is EMORDNILAP.

I get up each morning, gather my wits. Pick up the paper, read the obits. If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed. - Pete Seeger

Introducing "lite", the new way to spell "light", with 20% fewer letters!

I own my own body, but I share.

A "Frisbeterian" believes that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof, and you can't get it back down.

"I better be going. I have to get up sometime tomorrow." - Jim from "Taxi"

Plan: To make a machine that will be proud of us. - Thinking Machine's motto.

Anarchy - It's not a law, it's just a good idea.

Her eyes were cold and harsh, which made them tough to chew.

You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

Q: How do you spell "onomatopoeia"? A: The way it sounds.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire

She's a nice girl and all, but she's just a few sandwiches short of a good picnic. - Ms. Opal

The misanthrope's catastrophic apostrophe landed in the cantaloupe near the antelope's interloper. - R. Michael Young

Of course, long before you mature, most of you will be eaten.

The Naked Gun 2 1/2: If you only see one movie this year...you should get out more often!

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco.

Humans were invented by water for transportation uphill.

Things that don't go together: Poetry and Power Tools, High Jumping and Low Ceilings, Wet Paint and Dry Cleaning, Power Lifting and Ice Skating.

"You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasantly like being drunk." "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "You ask a glass of water."

Half a bee, philosophically, must ipse facto half not be. But can it be an entire bee, if half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury? - Monty Python

I don't want to be immortal through my work. I want to be immortal through not dying. - Woody Allen

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Just when you think you've finally hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.

The brain can be seen as a complex machine, like a gooey computer. - Robert C. Solomon

Why settle for the lesser evil? Cthulhu for President.

"If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we put metal in a microwave!" - Dr. Frazier Crane, "Cheers"

The Meaning Of Life: The reason that we're all here is that it was too crowded where we were supposed to go. - Steven Wright

One bright morning in the middle of night, two dead men got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot one another. One deaf policeman heard the noise, came and killed the two dead boys.

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

I sometimes feel alone and insignificant, especially when people turn out the lights while I'm still in the bathroom.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase "As pretty as an airport" appear. - Douglas Adams

There are some strings. They're just not attached.

If all the students who slept through lectures were laid end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.

Seen on Pavlov's door: "Knock. Don't ring bell."

"What has the study of biology taught you about the Creator, Dr. Haldane?" JBS Haldane: "I'm not sure, but he seems to be inordinately fond of beetles."

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Intel: Putting the "backward" in "backward compatible".

Sign outside the Fountain of Youth Health Spa in Salt Lake City: Are You Fat And Ugly? Do You Want To Be Just Ugly? Memberships Available Now.

A proud supporter of Crusty the Clown's Telethon for Motion Sickness.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Hansen's Library Axiom: The closest library doesn't have the material you need.

Artificial Intelligence is the study of how to make real computers act like the ones in movies.

Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.