You might be a redneck if...
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"
"Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?" is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl make love
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Placces'
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
The ASPCA raids yer kitchen
Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado,
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the wheels off his doublewide (in memory of Chris "No House" Skowronski)...
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'. (of course this is a very sophisticated sophisticated redneck joke... if you laughed... you must be a redneck, only they will get this one.)
You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).
You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose! "
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.