Life. Live it. Love it. Laugh at it.
Why experiment on animals when there are so many lawyers?
Classic - a book which people praise and don't read.
How do I set my phaser to "tickle?"
Never discuss love with a tennis player, it means nothing to them.
Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.
To be or not to be, that is the split infinitive.
Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
The Americans have taken umbrage. Whereabouts is that?
Giant ape becomes religious leader in "King of Kongs!"
Pardon me, your horse is on fire!
I'm not bad, I just post that way.
Monday is a hard way to spend one seventh of your life.
But officer, the stop sign was green when I went through it.
Judging from the taste, I'd say the other one is shinola.
95% of all politicians give the other 5% a bad name.
Dachshund kennel ad: Get a long little doggie.
This is what I do for fun, can you imagine my job?
Having failed to conquer myself, I hope for an alliance.
A flat minor: what you get when you drop a piano down a mine.
I'm in a class by myself. Everyone else graduated.
"Are you the police?" "No ma'am, we're musicians."
Lets have accurassy.
Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will follow it.
I made it foolproof, but they're making better fools.
She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got HUGE...tracts of land.
Life must be a highway...I feel like roadkill.
Atheism? I don't believe in it.
We're sorry, reality is not in service at this time.
Most weightlifters are biceptual.
"Bother," said Pooh, as he read his Compuserve bill.
Dr. Livingston I. Presume (Dr. Presume's full name)
Hey! That's MY opinion! Put it back or I'll shoot!
I've always told stories, but it used to get me spanked.
Diamond: a lump of coal that made good under pressure.
Blow it out your comm port!
Standards are wonderful, there are so many to choose from.
Delete 'em all and let Norton sort 'em out!
If you can't see the bright side, polish the dull side.
Who stole the cork from my breakfast? - W.C. Fields
Either this man is dead or his watch has stopped. - Groucho Marx
If law school is so tough, why are there so many lawyers?
Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded. - Yogi Berra
When you reach the crossroads, take it. - Yogi Berra
"Tolkien?? "No thanks, I'm trying to kick the hobbit."
The trouble with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.
Revenge is a dish best served...with tangy Miracle Whip!
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
Question authority before they question you!
Dijon vu: the feeling you've tasted that mustard before.