Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. - Ambrose Bierce
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of intimacy, unless in has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. - J. Edgar Hoover
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep 'till noon.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin
Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them.
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. - John F. Kennedy
Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?" They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our very selfhood revealed." And Jesus replied, "What?"
In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class. Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2. Advising the President. 3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. - David Letterman
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson
Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while. - Charles Barkley
I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five. - Charles Barkley
My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character. (Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley of figure skating") - Charles Barkley
The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language. - D. E. Knuth, 1967
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain
Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?
On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."
The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. - E. Grebenik
I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly if he has income and she is pattable. - Ogden Nash
When I was in high school, my friends would lay anything that moved. I choose not to limit myself.
I prefer my lovers to be female, human, and breathing, but I'll take any two out of three in a pinch.
Old Yiddish proverb: "If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides."
Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. - Old Farmer's Almanac
On a sidewalk near Portland State University someone wrote `Trust Jesus', and someone else wrote `But Cut the Cards'.
Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea): For best results: Wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: Drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled. - Plutarch
From alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die: Another similarity is that Rush Limbaugh and Barney are both purple, or would be if someone had the good sense to wrap some piano wire around Rush's neck..
It's hard to make a program foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Hi! I'm a shareware signature! Send $5 if you use me, send $10 for manual!
Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?" Then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up." - Charlie Brown
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." - Charlie Brown
Be regular and orderly in your life, that you may be violent and original in your work. - Clive Barker
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them. - William Clayton
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson
It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge. - Voltaire
Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain
I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. - Woody Allen, on the KKK
Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. - P.J. O'Rourke
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to change it and one to not change it.
Of all the people I know, you're one of them.
Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikazi pilots say to his students? A: Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.
Things should be as simple as possible, but not simpler. - Albert Einstein
Condense soup, not books!